In which we still have no idea what a Hokie is
Join us for the second and final weeknight game of the season as Georgia Tech looks to win its third straight matchup in one of the best-named rivalries in the game: the Techmo Bowl.
Virginia Tech (formally known as Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University College Kindergarten School, or VPISUCKS) has had a… weird season. They’re 4-3 but have a winning record in ACC play, with two wins and only a narrow loss to Miami, the team that can’t seem to lose despite its best efforts. One of those wins is over Stanford, marking the team’s vengeance over their mascot’s tragic loss to the Stanford Tree in the Orange Bowl once upon a time.
The fun is in the other two losses. Those losses were to Vanderbilt and Rutgers. Nope, no need to look up how those teams are doing this year. The Hokies lost to Vanderbilt and Rutgers. Take it at face value.
But hey, at least they scored points. That’s better than maybe the most iconic moment in team history: the timeless image of Frank Beamer celebrating the end of a scoreless 60 minutes against Wake Forest in 2014. It’s important to never forget that this was a game where Wake’s gameplan was leaked to VT’s coaching staff. Surely the coach who received the leaked gameplan, who just happened to be the VT coach’s son, would be doing nothing of consequence nowada—aaand he’s now the South Carolina coach. Nepotism: as undefeated as billable hours.
The Techmo Bowl is no longer an every-year affair because the ACC hates fun, but it’s been a compelling game in almost every year that it’s been played. Some of the highlights include the two-game span where Tech won 49-28 in 2018 (Paul Johnson’s final Techmo Bowl) with a backup QB who attempted one pass and completed zero, and then VPISUCKS won 45-0 in 2019 (Bud Foster’s final Techmo Bowl) to save Tech from potentially letting UGA end their nearly half-century run without a home shutout. Tech gets to claim the throne of Real Tech by having won the most recent matchup, in which true freshman and third-string QB Zach Pyron led the Jackets to a narrow victory in Blacksburg.
That’s timely because… well, guess who’s getting the nod for Real Tech this weekend? The ‘stache is back to try to make it happen again, y’all.
VPISUCKS can, of course, claim the throne of Real Tech back with a win. It’s the true trophy at stake in this rivalry game. And while it seems weird to be battling for that right with a school that doesn’t even have “technology” in its name… at least they aren’t worse than the people who have truly ruined the naming convention for the rest of us: Texas Tech University.
As for the Jackets, it’s a chance to crack bowl eligibility and set the tone for the end of the season. With the brutal final three games that the team will face—a stretch that includes both Georgia and the one team with a more intolerable fanbase, Miami—it really would be nice to head into that stretch at 6-3 instead of 5-4. But as heavy underdogs, it’ll take a bit of magic to pull that off.
But pulling it off is important. Tomorrow’s game is also a duel between Bront Key and Brant Pry, so we’re not just determining who the real Tech is—we’ll also determine who the real Brent is. There’s too much at stake to let the Hokies gain an inch.