Every Saturday in college football stadiums across America, it happens. The coach of the losing team stands alone on the sideline, watching the seconds tick away toward a reckoning with fans, boosters, and media members. The television cameras turn to focus on him and you say between bites of boneless chicken wing and to no one in particular, “I wonder what that sad sack is thinking right now.”
We may not have the answer, but we have a few ideas.
This is University of Texas head football coach Steve Sarkisian as the clock lurched toward zeros in his team’s 30–15 Saturday night loss to the Georgia Bulldogs:
Photo by Jeffrey Vest/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images
Ladies and gentledawgs, what was Steve Sarkisian thinking?
a) “Wait, did Arch have that twitch before we sent him in? Did we break him? Do Mannings come with a warranty?”
b) “It didn’t quite work, but I still think bringing in Penn Wagers as ‘‘Special Assistant to the Head Coach for unbridled mayhem and possible shenanigans’ was the right move.”
c) “Cheese Louise, it’s almost like they don’t even care how much money our boosters have.”
d) “For the love of God, will somebody make McConaughey shut up about what the Shipibo-Conibo people of Peru taught him about handling adversity?!?!?”
e) “For once I sort of wish the eyes of Texas weren’t upon us.”
As always, we welcome your suggestions in the comments and…
Go ‘Dawgs!!!